Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Well, today marks month 7 on the waitlist for our 4-5 year old boy!!!! Oh, how my heart is breaking. Over the past few months I've had to let go of a lot of expectations I had created for my little family. I truly thought we'd be home by now and we'd be getting ready to enjoy the summer bonding and getting to know each other before the craziness of the school year starts back up in the fall. Little guy could be ready for kindergarten and I was really hoping to have a chunk of time with him before sending him off to school!! But, obviously, that was not God's plan for us. And, I'm starting to be OK with that. I will wait as long as God wants us too, because in this wait, He is loving me. He is loving my boy. He is loving my entire family! And in that, I'm at peace. I do wish we'd have a few answers as to "why" we've been waiting for sooo long, but, for now, I guess we're not to know the details quite yet. His story will be told through this, and it will be His glory that shines through. I just need to step aside so God can work. :) I've also realized, that in this wait, I'm learning more about the depth of Christ's love for me. And no matter how messed up I am, how many mistakes I make, how sinful I am.... He loves me NO MATTER WHAT!! And, as I step away from the fairytale I've created of bringing my boy home, I'm going to need Christ's love to love my boy the way he deserves to be loved! As my sweet friend said, Love is a Fruit of the Spirit for a reason-- we NEED Christ to love the way He wants us to!
So, thank you Lord for giving me this wait to learn more about you and the depth of your love!!! Thank you for preparing my heart to LOVE my boy--because this momma's heart will mess up, make BIG mistakes, and feel broken. But, through you, I pray that my boy will only feel your steadfast and unconditional love!
***and I sure do hope this is my LAST number post I have to make!!!!! Because these two cuties really want their brother home!!!!!